Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
