went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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