she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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