First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
