We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
