had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
