We won't sleep together?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
