Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sorry about my life...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
