Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
