He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
