doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
