I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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