umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
