thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I want to be your penis for a week.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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