Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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