I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
