you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
