I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
