I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
