Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
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