Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
