Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
