I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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