Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My pussy is not your playground.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
