The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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