Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
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had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
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You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize