singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
