I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
