I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
