I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
