Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
