The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
