Sponge bath it is.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
