Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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