cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
