My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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