Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He passed out mid-signature
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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