I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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