Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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