i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it because I queefed?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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