mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
