are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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