he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
