Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
