I didn't shave. On purpose
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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