Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
