I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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