So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
