Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
