You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
