it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
