You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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