when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
