Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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