just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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