I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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