I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
