I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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