There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
