i may or may not be watching the land before time
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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