she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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