so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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