she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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